Struggling

I am struggling. Big time. I need help. Big time. I need to change. Big time. But I don't. Big time.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. That's me. That should be my middle name.

I haven't gone to a Weight Watcher meeting since the end of September and I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. Oct 6th I had to leave work early because I had a sick husband and Oct 13th I was home for my daughter's birthday. I tried to attend a meeting close to my house on the 13th but they didn't seem to have open hours at that center.

I'm struggling with time management and making myself a priority and getting everything done. I always feel like the balls in the air out-number the hands juggling them but the thing is, that isn't going to change. Life isn't going to slow down. I just need to manage it better. I'm trying to accomplish the following:

• Work full time
• Be a mom
• Keep the house in order
• Be a wife
• Plan, shop and cook meals
• Be a friend with a small social life
• Keep my kids schedules in line
• Attend church and devote myself to daily bible study
• Exercise
• Maybe watch a little TV/sports
• Birthday parties for my kids and others

It's too much. There's no time for Kara. Kara Insanity. Maybe that's what I should start calling my life. Kara's Insanity. Because that's what it feels like. And unless I make some choices like:

• Eating healthy foods within my points
• Exercising
• Attending WW meetings

my life will always just be insane when it comes to my weight. Because after all, if I keep doing what I'm doing (which is opposite of what I SHOULD be doing) than I'm always going to get what I have - being overweight and unhealthy.

It's easy to say. Why is it so HARD for me to do?

Week 5: Exercise

I wanted to document my exercise this week as I joined a new gym and I am GOING to exercise again!

Wed - none
Thurs - 45 minute spin class
Friday - planning treadmill
Saturday - walk around parent's neighborhood
Sunday - none
Monday - planning 45 minute spin class
Tuesday - planning elliptical

First gain

I had my first gain since joining WW. Didn't take long - I'm only 4 weeks in. But I deserved it.

• Ate poorly and didn't journal this weekend
• Wearing heavier (think more winter) clothes
• Started my TOM (time of month) yesterday
• Had dinner out at a restaurant last night which always means sodium

My goal for next week is to lose 3 pounds for a total of 6.6. Then I leave for Los Angeles for a week. THAT, my friends, is going to be a challenge. But that's a post for another day.

you know it's bad when.....

You eat like crap all weekend (yes, again!) and the damage on the scale isn't too bad. You know why? Because my body has gotten so used to too many calories and even when I've declared myself as "bad" my body doesn't react weight wise as bad as I thought because I've been feeding it too many calories!

Again, I have to get my weekend eating under control.

Weekend eating - Two Steps back

Weekends are sooooo hard when you're trying to lose weight. My weigh in's are on Wednesdays so the weekend falls right in the middle of my WW week. This weekend stunk with a capital S! I just started cheating here and there and then I was just off course and didn't look back until this morning. I have two days to clean up my act before my weigh in on Wednesday. I need to stop doing two steps back otherwise I'm never going to get to my goal(s).

Tell me, what are some ways you keep yourself in check on the weekends? Tips, secrets, plans...give it to me!

Okay, so maybe I cried wolf

Remember the kid in school who SWORE they failed the test and when the tests were returned, they got an A? Yea, well that might have been me this week. I swore I was going to gain weight. But I didn't. Instead, I lost 2 pounds on my first week of WW. I certainly was not a WW rockstar, instead I think I kinda got lucky.

This week, our leader challenged us with WW's campaign - Lose For Good. For 7 weeks, WW will match member's weight loss in dollars for every pound lost - up to a million dollars.

My goal in the next 7 weeks is to lose 11 pounds.

Who was the dummy that started WW right before a holiday weekend?

I may be the worldest first member of Weight Watcher to GAIN weight their first week. You know how they ask how many pounds you lost? One lady last week lost 10 her first week. Then the leader asked how she did it. What changed? This week, I may get to tell my class how I was the first member to GAIN weight their first week. :)

The plan for the week is to get to the STORE tonight to stock up on some healthy foods so I can LOSE my second!

Weight Watchers - coming full circle

I joined Weight Watchers today. I'm just ready for some structure in my life and when I was doing South Beach, I was very black and white about it. It's hard because with South Beach, there are so many things you can't eat that if you're at a lunch meeting, and they serve a sandwich of some kind, you're kinda SOL. So, I've decided to try Weight Watchers again. I have a friend at work going with me and I think that could be a HUGE thing for me. I need a buddy to navigate this with - one that I see every day. A lot of people do this with their spouse. But my spouse is skinny and he's no help! :)

I'll check back with some details from the meeting tomorrow.

BODYPUMP

I have been going to a "bootcamp" type workout at my gym for over a year now. I haven't always been too dedicated but I go. There is a newer class at my gym on Tuesdays and Thursday mornings called BODYPUMP. I tried it this morning and OMG I think I'm hooked. It's a weight bar routine and you burn out one muscle group before moving on to the next. I absolutely don't think I'll walk right tomorrow but you better I'll be back on Tuesday!

Gain? WHAAAT??

I gained 1.8 lbs this week. Not sure why. I started working out and for some reason, when I start working out, I gain weight at first. I'm trying to not obsess over this. But I'm not happy. 2 weeks of work and I've lost....1.6 pounds? Not very inspiring.

Wednesday Weigh In #1

Today was my first weigh in - down 3.4 pounds. To be honest, I'm not 100% happy with that. I wanted to be down more than that my first week and the scale was down. But for some reason, I'm retaining mad water and my fingers and feet are both swollen (umm, maybe the extreme heat we're having) and the scale reflected. So hopefully that means next week will be a bigger number loss too. 8 weeks until LA and my first goal of 20 pounds!

i get a little scale obsessed

Here's a funny quirk about me and the scale. When I'm being "good" I tend to get on the scale everyday. When I'm "bad" I avoid it like the plague. Since I'm being good, I jumped on this morning and guess what? I liked what I saw. When you eat right, the scale normally rewards you. Novel concept, no? :)

headache

I have the lovely sugar withdraw headache that South Beach brings. I know I will be over it tomorrow or next but still, it's not a lot of fun.

It's the small things

So I may be posting a lot the first few weeks. It may be what keeps me sane when I have a headache from sugar withdraw and I can't eat popcorn.

My hubby and almost-five-year-old met me for lunch today. I haven't seen her since Friday (she was at Grandma's) and she wanted Fazolli's. Fine. I just went, didn't eat and just spent my time talking to her. She didn't even notice I wasn't eating. Came back, sat on my stability ball at my desk and now I'm eating.

I can do this!

It's almost like the first day of school

So my Monday start didn't happen due to this crazy illness. So I decided Wednesday was the start date. I'm only feeling 25-30% better but the show must go on and I must not miss any more work. So here I am.

Last night I checked my plan, made the food I neeed to make for today and packed my lunch and snacks. I'm all set for a successful day. Here is what that looks like:

Breakfast:
veggie quiche
V8 juice

Snack:
nuts

Lunch:
deli meat/cheese roll-up
cucumber/laughing cow

Snack:
greek yogurt w/sugar free jelly

Dinner:
turkey brat
brocolli

Snack:
not sure - didn't plan this

sick

Today was to be day one of 'the diet' and I'm sick. Like can't get off the couch sick. Guess it'll have to wait.

First blog post

I've tried to keep a blog before, but I've never been successful. I love reading blogs but for some reason, I haven't been good about doing one for myself. I think the time is right to begin again.

Maybe the reason why I've never been successful is because I'm always worried about what I'm saying and who is reading it and what the may think. I think I'm over that now.

Maybe I should tell you who I am, in case you don't know. My name is Kara, I'm 31 years old and live in Indianapolis. I'm a wife and a mommy to 2 little girls. I also work full-time. That doesn't leave a lot of extra time.

I've struggled with my weight for a long time. But even when I thought I was struggling, I was actually a normal weight. I always felt fat in middle school and high school but looking back, my true weight problem didn't begin until probably college.

I seem to gain weight very easily but I was always able to lose it when I put my mind to it. That was until I gave birth to my 2nd daughter. I lost all my pregnancy weight but it slowly started creeping back on. That was about 3 years ago. I now weigh about what I did when I gave birth to her. Not very good.

I've started seeing a shrink to help me. Obviously no one chooses to be overweight. It happens for a reason. I began to see that my reason was more emotional/psychological. I've been to one session and he said it basically sounds like I don't put myself first. I don't make losing weight a priority. So tomorrow, in our session, we're going to work on ordering my priorities.

The plan is to start my diet on Monday. I know it's not good to say diet, and I know it's not good to start on a Monday. But I'm out of town this weekend for a girl's weekend and it's just what I'm going to do. So starting Monday, August 2nd, I will be doing Phase 1 of South Beach, because it works well for me.